Before I launch into reflecting on my vacation why questions, I wanted to share my vacation victory with you........

The day I left for vacay, I stepped onto the scale in my trainer's office and took note of my number.   My hope was to come back lighter than when I left - I mean, why couldn't I hope for that?  If my plan was to do the same exact thing on vacation as I do at home, I should be on the downward trend.   But I know myself and I knew the temptations and challenges that were awaiting me.    It would be a true test of my ability to make good choices.     My inner diva was yelling out, "BRING. IT. ON."

Fast forward 2 weeks - I am back at the gym stepping on the scale.   Down 7 pounds.    I was playing air guitar in my heart....

So it is possible.   Choose good.   See results.     And just a disclaimer - I would say I stuck to my plan about 90%    I took a liberty or two, but they were planned and thought through.

Now - I invite you into the inner recesses of my mind as I share with you some questions I had to ask myself whilst on vacation.

Road Trippin'
WHY is it that when I am on a road trip (the driving part), I must have convenience food snacks and a soda?      Am I hungry?  NO.   But if I don't get a tin of Pringles and a Root Beer I just feel I will hardly be able to survive..... WHHHHYYYY??????     (fyi, for this road trip, I went with the assigned nutrition from my trainer:  a protein shake and Lara bar)

Snack Attack
I love my brother.   I love him in only the way a sister can.   We share the genes of our family, but somehow he got the tall, skinny, gorgeous wavy hair genes.....and I......did not.   Not fair.   If snacking was an Olympic event, my bro would take gold.   Normally, I would be right there with him.    So this vacation when my bro came to visit, I had to opt out of the snacking events.   WHY is it that I feel left out because I can't snack with him, like somehow my ability to be a fabulous sister has diminished because I can't join in?    WHHHHYYYY?????

Movie Noshings
I actually learned that it IS possible to watch a movie without eating anything.   Wow.    But I won't lie - I actually felt slightly uncomfortable with the movie watching because I didn't have a snack.   Almost to the point of distraction.   WHY?    I mean, Jason Bourne movies are so incredibly awesome, who needs a snack?   Yet, I found myself with the yearning.

Dinner Time Drama
Normally I do a lot of cooking when I visit my family.   One of my family members cannot stand (and that is putting it mildly) the smell or sight of chicken or any egg related product.   Sort of a problem for someone whose diet consists mainly of poultry and products produced by poultry.    I cooked a meal for my family that I chose not to eat, and I sat through a lot of dinners where they "ordered in" while I sat with my chicken and veggies.   I MADE THAT CHOICE - so why did I find myself having a little pity party about it??    Again, as with the snacking, I felt left out because I wasn't participating in eating the food that everyone else was.   WHY, WHY, WHY?

So these are the questions I am now grappling with.    I know enough about myself to truly know the answers to the questions.   So more importantly for me is to understand the season that I'm in.....GRIEVING.   I must grieve those unhealthy eating behaviors and foods that I have been so used to and begin to make healthy eating a part of my life.     Grieving is a topic on its own...grief isn't just experienced when a loved one passes on.  In recovery, we talk about grieving whatever unhealthy things we are breaking free from:  relationships, patterns, substances, compulsions, etc.       For me, my relationship with food is in a grieving season.    It's hard, but at the end of the day - it's still my choice.

Thanks for reading....your feedback is always welcome, and is an encouragement to me.

k