Before I really say anything, I want to give myself a big woot, woot for hitting the big 8-0 this morning!   I'm a little disappointed because I only lost 1 pound this week....but I'm not letting that put a damper on the fact that since I started this journey, I've lost an entire 6th grader!    All the glory goes to God, who has given me the strength and courage to surrender, work hard and overcome!   Not to mention the people He has put in my path who are part of "Team Kristin".    I think we need shirts.

So in my last post, I talked about learning....I wanted to share something that I've been learning in regards to preparation.

prep·a·ra·tion "the action or process of making something ready for use or service or of getting ready for some occasion, test, or duty"

What I'm talking about is food preparation.    

I'll paint you a picture.   I'm busy.   I'm here.   I'm there.   I'm in my car.  I'm at the gym.    I'm here again.   I'm hungry.   Did I mention I'm busy?   How's that picture looking?    Where does my nutrition fit into that picture?   Let me tell you, I've been spending alot of time trying to get this one right.

Let me paint you another picture.    It's me.   It's two years ago.   I'm here.  I'm there.  I'm in my car.  I'm hungry.   I'm  not prepared.   Oh look, it's a McDonald's!   Oh look, it's a super-size!   Oh look, it's 1000 calories!   Oh look, my hips are growing by the minute!

Ok, so on my quest to live clean, I've had to completely change my mind about what eating looks like in my busy life.    I've also talked about still being in the process of grieving the foods that I have loved.    All my clean living friends out there can scoff at me.   However, even with the knowledge of how bad some foods are for me, I still love and want them.   I hope that goes away, but for now, I have to manage those desires with a dose of reality.     A light reprimand from my trainer also helps in this area :)

So how do I do nutrition on the go.   I'm going to break it down for you right here.    Are you ready?

I take stuff with me!

Gasp.

Revolutionary, isn't it?   Let me tell you, the Igloo and the blue ice are my new best friends.      But there is alot of PREPARATION  that has to happen in order for me to be able to throw a little something in my Igloo.  I have to have stuff ready to go out of the fridge.   Not only that, but my schedule changes every day.   What works for me on Monday is not going to work for me on Tuesday or Friday.   What happened last Wednesday is not necessarily what will happen this Wednesday.    Every day (and even the night before) I have to plan ahead - not just what I'm doing, but where and when I will eat my food.    I also have to factor in my workouts.    Don't want to snarf down my chicken and asparagus and then walk into the gym.....as much as I hate that stinkin' rower, I don't want to toss my cookies all over it!    I need to give myself some digestion time before I workout.

I'm not going to lie - it's hard.     Sometimes I mess it up.    Sometimes, I've gotten lazy.    But my priorities have shifted over the last 6 months.    Healthy living becomes more important to me with each passing month.   Does that mean that I don't want to die a little every time I walk out of the gym and get a whiff of that Popeye's chicken?   No.    But it means that most of the time, it's more important to me to eat healthy than it is to indulge myself with something I want for the moment.

I am learning alot in my quest for living out the plan.     Some of that learning has come as a result of being taught or told by someone else.    Some of that learning has come from making mistakes.  You burn your finger on the hot stove once or twice, you are going to learn not to touch the stove when it’s on, right?

The hardest kind of learning for me, however, has been the kind that comes after years of doing it wrong.    I’m a few short days away from another birthday - an opportunity to reflect on the past year of my life.    It’s been difficult to look in the mirror and face that I have spent DECADES of my life abusing my body in all kinds of ways.   But – as I’ve said before – I have a choice!    I can choose to wallow in regret, or I can choose to make a change.    Hopefully it's been clear what choice I've made....    Change, baby.

Some people may not agree with me, but I would say that in some cases (or for some people) it’s more comfortable to stay where you are than it is to make a change.   When I say comfortable, I don’t mean like a big lazy boy chair kind of comfortable.  We find comfort in the things that we know....that are familiar.  Sometimes making a change can be seemingly more painful than the original state we were in.   Fear of the unknown can also keep us in the place that we are.     Part of takin' down Big Jim means overcoming fear and overcoming the comfort zone.  

So back to learning.    I've learned that learning something new sometimes means you have to unlearn something old.

More on that next time :)

Thanks to all of you who are following along.   I welcome and very much appreciate any feedback you may have....!

Up first is - in my humble opinion - one of the smartest things I have ever done in my whole entire life.     I married 1 tablespoon of Hershey's unsweetened cocoa with a 6oz container of 0% greek yogurt (I'm partial to Fage or Chobani), stevia and 3/4 cup blueberries.     I call this wonderful bowl of goodness Chocoberry Mousse.      






Would love to hear what your favorite clean & healthy recipes are....please feel free to share!  
As always, I appreciate you taking the time to follow along......

ps - I'm not saying that I'm the only person ever to think of cooking these things.....just saying that they are things I tried in an attempt to "mix it up".

It's Monday morning -- time for a fresh start....a "reset" as I like to call it.    Last week is over and done with.    Ain't no do overs.  

Is that really true?    

Depending on how you look at it, I guess this week could be a do over.    Really, I'm doing most of the same things this week that I did last week:   going to work, attending my groups, eating my food, working out at the gym, etc., etc.    So I get another chance to do it right.     It's all about perspective.

Perhaps you are getting the sense that last week wasn't so great?    You would be correct.    It's funny how you measure things changes over the years.  


So saying I had a bad week is slightly laughable when comparing it to six months, a year, two years ago.    Even with improvement in my life, it's still necessary for me to evaluate my days so that I identify any patterns that might start creeping back in.     I don't want to dwell on the things that went wrong last week, I want to learn from them.

About last week.   Did you ever see that movie, "The Perfect Storm"?    I kind of felt like George Clooney at the end of the movie trying to navigate the seas in the midst of 3 colliding storms.   Ok, it wasn't that bad.  And Marky Mark was not with me either.   Let's just say the planets seemed to align against me.    I ate off my plan several times (not horribly mind you....just not "on"), I had a few days of really being under the weather.......and...........<WARNING, WARNING: FEMALE TALK AHEAD> I had my little monthly visitor which seemed to come on with a raging vengeance.     Did I mention a raging vengeance?

So here's my Monday reset.......last week is OVAH (that's New Jersey for "over").    It's a new week, a new opportunity for me to eat "on" plan, not be sick and not be....ahem.....you know....female talk.    And my trainer - God love him - has punished me beyond anything I can imagine by sending me crazy workout assignments for the week.    Thanks :)  

Do you have a place in your life where you need a reset?   There's no guilt or shame.....learn from where you've been and let that enable and motivate you to do it better this time!    Today is your opportunity to start fresh.......and really, it's your choice.

Thanks for reading....and a big thank you to those of you who have shared how Tuggin' is impacting you.     It means more to me than you know.

This could be one of those posts that will generate what I like to call the trainer mal de ojo (the stink eye of the trainer).

My trainer has said to me on several occasions something to this effect:

Before I launch into reflecting on my vacation why questions, I wanted to share my vacation victory with you........

The day I left for vacay, I stepped onto the scale in my trainer's office and took note of my number.   My hope was to come back lighter than when I left - I mean, why couldn't I hope for that?  If my plan was to do the same exact thing on vacation as I do at home, I should be on the downward trend.   But I know myself and I knew the temptations and challenges that were awaiting me.    It would be a true test of my ability to make good choices.     My inner diva was yelling out, "BRING. IT. ON."

Fast forward 2 weeks - I am back at the gym stepping on the scale.   Down 7 pounds.    I was playing air guitar in my heart....

So it is possible.   Choose good.   See results.     And just a disclaimer - I would say I stuck to my plan about 90%    I took a liberty or two, but they were planned and thought through.

Now - I invite you into the inner recesses of my mind as I share with you some questions I had to ask myself whilst on vacation.

Road Trippin'
WHY is it that when I am on a road trip (the driving part), I must have convenience food snacks and a soda?      Am I hungry?  NO.   But if I don't get a tin of Pringles and a Root Beer I just feel I will hardly be able to survive..... WHHHHYYYY??????     (fyi, for this road trip, I went with the assigned nutrition from my trainer:  a protein shake and Lara bar)

Snack Attack
I love my brother.   I love him in only the way a sister can.   We share the genes of our family, but somehow he got the tall, skinny, gorgeous wavy hair genes.....and I......did not.   Not fair.   If snacking was an Olympic event, my bro would take gold.   Normally, I would be right there with him.    So this vacation when my bro came to visit, I had to opt out of the snacking events.   WHY is it that I feel left out because I can't snack with him, like somehow my ability to be a fabulous sister has diminished because I can't join in?    WHHHHYYYY?????

Movie Noshings
I actually learned that it IS possible to watch a movie without eating anything.   Wow.    But I won't lie - I actually felt slightly uncomfortable with the movie watching because I didn't have a snack.   Almost to the point of distraction.   WHY?    I mean, Jason Bourne movies are so incredibly awesome, who needs a snack?   Yet, I found myself with the yearning.

Dinner Time Drama
Normally I do a lot of cooking when I visit my family.   One of my family members cannot stand (and that is putting it mildly) the smell or sight of chicken or any egg related product.   Sort of a problem for someone whose diet consists mainly of poultry and products produced by poultry.    I cooked a meal for my family that I chose not to eat, and I sat through a lot of dinners where they "ordered in" while I sat with my chicken and veggies.   I MADE THAT CHOICE - so why did I find myself having a little pity party about it??    Again, as with the snacking, I felt left out because I wasn't participating in eating the food that everyone else was.   WHY, WHY, WHY?

So these are the questions I am now grappling with.    I know enough about myself to truly know the answers to the questions.   So more importantly for me is to understand the season that I'm in.....GRIEVING.   I must grieve those unhealthy eating behaviors and foods that I have been so used to and begin to make healthy eating a part of my life.     Grieving is a topic on its own...grief isn't just experienced when a loved one passes on.  In recovery, we talk about grieving whatever unhealthy things we are breaking free from:  relationships, patterns, substances, compulsions, etc.       For me, my relationship with food is in a grieving season.    It's hard, but at the end of the day - it's still my choice.

Thanks for reading....your feedback is always welcome, and is an encouragement to me.

k

In my last post, I talked about asking the "why" questions.     During my time on vacation, I've had some time to ask myself alot of why questions....when what I realllllly wanted to do was ignore the questions altogether and mindlessly go about doing what I've always done.    Hey, now there's some honesty for ya!

What I'm starting to realize is I can't do that anymore.    For many reasons....I've invested too much and worked to hard, others have taken their time to invest in me, I want to walk my talk, I want to be a good example to my daughter, I want to be healthy, I want to look good, I want to stop the cycle of insanity (doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result).      Mostly, I just know it's not right.

Here's some more honesty for ya....there was a time in the not so distant past where those things I just listed were not strong enough motivation for me to stop what I was doing.    Hard to admit and sad to say, I know - but it's the truth.    Ask any alcoholic why they keep drinking.....ask any drug addict why they keep drugging.     Maybe you get that and maybe you don't......I think if everyone was honest with themselves they could see character traits that have been near impossible to overcome.

Back to the why questions....as I mentioned, I was almost 2 weeks away on vacation visiting family in Texas.   My goal was to stay on "the plan" during my time away.   That meant cooking my own meals, going to the gym and doing the workouts assigned to me.  It also meant passing on alot of treats and indulgences that I would normally afford myself since I was on "vacation".    Normally coming home from vacation means mama's sittin' alot heavier than when she left, ya know?    So this vacation I was determined to come home the same or lighter.   I came back lighter in weight, but heavier with reflection....

I will share my "why" questions with you next time.   Thanks for reading....

k