"I've learned that finishing a marathon isn't just an athletic achievement. It's a state of mind; a state of mind that says anything is possible."

John Hanc, running writer

"I tell our runners to divide the race into thirds. Run the first part with your head, the middle part with your personality, and the last part with your heart."

Mike Fanelli, running club coach:

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

The Apostle Paul, 1 Cor 9:24

I do not run marathons.  I do not run a 1/2 marathons.   To be honest, if I strung together all my life's moments of running they would probably not even equate to a single mile.    I am just not a runner.

Although I am not a runner, I'm relating to the analogy of a marathon......thinking about life as such.   I imagine as a marathon runner there is that part of the race where you grow weary....where you question your sanity....where you hurt.....where you are tempted to quit.     I feel like I'm there right now.....and I'm not saying this in a desperate, scary kind of way.    Yes, I am wrestling with life right now - but these are the moments of growth.  The one shred of mental toughness that I have left, it's saying, "I will not quit" - that little shred is what I'm hanging onto at the moment....and I know without a shadow of a doubt it will hold me (and make me stronger if I choose to let it).   

Over the past few months, I've come face to face with challenges and obstacles....some have knocked me down, some I have overcome, some have put me in a position to compromise the plan that I have determined to live by.     As my trainer reminded me yesterday, this "race" is like the stock market - you are looking at progress over a long period of time.    So maybe the last few months my stock chart is not looking so hot.    But since I started this process, my stock chart is looking pretty good, I think.    And once next year rolls around, I have every intention of my stock chart looking awesome :) 

My marathon analogy just fizzled out and turned into the stock market analogy - sorry....I'm not a professional writer.

So enough with the vague references......Here's the deal....I promised realness and transparency.    I've been stuck....but even in my "stuckness", I have been moving forward....just not at the pace I've been used to.    I have really only lost a few pounds these last few months (side note, I've also lost my appendix!) and the reason for that is simple...I have not stuck to my plan.    I can give a bunch of excuses as to why that is - but the excuses don't change that fact.    It is what it is.

What's coming down the pike for me over the next few months seems like more of the same - challenges and obstacles.      Holidays, traveling to help care for a family memeber, busyness of the season, etc.    

What is going to change to get me back on track?

I'm going to be really honest with you.....I don't know.      I mean.....I know, but I don't.   

This is what I do know.   By writing this for everyone to see I'm bumping up my level of accountability....that will help me.    I know that I've done some business with God this morning and have given over some of the burdens that I've been carrying....that will help me.    I know that I have people in my life that care and are not going to let me fall into a pit.....that will help me.     I know that I have people who will pray for me and hold me accountable....that will help me.     

I know I've got a lot of help....and I have an awesome God who wants the best for me and will refine my character through all of this.....and I have my shred of mental toughness.....and I have my stock chart.....and I have my egg whites.

I'm good.

Thanks for reading....if you're led to pray for me, thanks for that too.     And don't be shy - call me out and ask me how I'm doing over the next few months.....