Not that he was the first one to ever say this, but Coach Miller (our high school football coach) started many a pep-talk with the overused and slightly corny phrase, "Gentlemen, it's gut check time". 

So I'm sitting on the bench with Big Jim and this is the voice I hear.....Coach Mill saying, "Kristin, it's gut check time".

I'm throwing it out there for ya.    I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING.    Ever since my birthday weekend, I've been on the battle field with my tools and lacking any strength or understanding to use them.    My mental toughness has left the building....and the neighborhood for that matter.  Big Jim is standing there laughing at me.....throwing it all in my face.  

For the last 4 weeks I've had to face and walk through some very painful steps....which actually is a very good thing.....but not fun....and hardly easy.   To add to that, I've also recently found out that a family member got some not so great medical news.    I'm also juggling alot of things in my schedule - none of them frivolous - some of them feel like full-time jobs!    Raising a very intelligent daughter also has it's challenges too - just sayin.    My body hurts.   My brain hurts.    And don't get me started about the perpetual state of messiness that my house is in lately (who is with me....when my house is messy, everything feels worse).   I don't come to make excuses, but I know the answer to my "Why Questions".      The answer starts with pain & pressure.

For the majority of my life, I've used food to numb, cover, medicate, relieve, distract and deceive me.    I'm learning not to do that any more.   But when the pressure and pain are on, what is my instinct?  Where has that comfort been and where is it going to be for me?     That is changing for me, I've seen growth over the last 3 years that has surprised me....it has not happened overnight.....and it is not where it needs to be. A lot of years of doing something sort of  makes things into a habit.   The fantastic news is....my shots are getting closer to the bulls eye!     Yay!




And this is where I leave it.    I feel broken - and I mean that in a good way.    But it truly is gut check time.  

What am I made of?




Please pray for me.....I want to be an overcommer.    I want to lay Big Jim flat on the ground, but I need a renewed strength.    I need courage to face the pain without picking up the medicator.     Pray for my family too....for those unspoken things that need the power of God now more than ever.

Thank you so much for reading and investing a little time in my journey.    You have absolutely no idea what it means to me.